My friend Millay had this picture up on her blog and it reminded me what I don't like to think about. That I really miss New York. When I first moved there was the excitement of the "New" and then i went through extreme home sickness. Now I try to not to think about it, but whenever someone asks me if I miss New York I have to admit that I do.I miss living in NY. I've thought about my cozy coffee shop in Astoria, never having to worry about drinking and driving, $76 dollars a month unlimited subway, living a train ride away from the family, always things to do etc. I haven't focused on the high rents, having to live with a roommate, how expensive everything is, the snootiness in corporate America, the need to dress a certain way and carry a fancy purse.
Mostly though I've missed my friends, my church, only having one job. Many of my friends aren't there anymore. But many still are. I have to admit though that things would be different were I to move back. But mostly I think it would have to be better than here. I think I'm a city girl at heart. When i was in NY I lived in Astoria, Queens. I never thought I'd live in Queens but it was actually quite wonderful. It has a neighborhoody (i know, not a word) feel even though it's a hop, skip and a jump to midtown Manhattan. If I didn't want to go out but didn't feel like hanging in the apartment there was my local coffeeshop where everyone knew my name (Cue Cheers Theme Song) and the quirky, artsy New Yorkers came to chill. There was the Astoria Beer Garden with $14 pitchers of Hoegarten and the most delicious kilbase (Have no clue how to spell that), movies in Bryant Park in the Summer.
I remind myself how hard it was when i was out of work. How much I hated my rundown apartment even thought the location was fantastic. How much I hated living with a roommate. Somehow I'm still convinced i jumped too quickly. On the other hand I could still be out of work. If I hadn't moved here I never would have joined weight watchers and lost 40 lbs. So it's not that I wish I hadn't moved here but I'm starting to think I may need to consider going back.
I've grown up a lot since I've been here. I turned 30. Thought a lot about the future. But there's not much time to build a life when you work 70 hours a week. I've spent time in bars but that's not really the place to meet the kind of people I know will be the kind of friends I'm looking for. I'm sick of going out drinking and calling that a life. Don't get me wrong. I love a good beer with the rest of them but there's more to life.
When did I get so darned negative. I guess that's the danger of over thinking everything. It goes with the territory. Well no more. I'm going to take this weekend at home and make some decisions about the future. I'm going to let the dreamer in me run wild and let the realist take those dreams and make some plans. I'm only 30 and have the rest of my life ahead of me. here goes nothing.
2 comments:
You are in need of some serious "CJ Time." Are you missing NY, or just the idea of it? You're young, you're single - you can go anywhere. If you don't like MD, there's nothing stopping you from leaving. However, it may be a good idea to do a list of Pros and Cons (what you love, what you don't love) of where you live now.
I just admire the fact that you had the kahonas to move and try a new life somewhere else. Agreed that you needed some quality "CJ"/ dreamer time also. Hope you are enjoying that and coming up with some good stuff.
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